Family pictures

Family pictures

Family pictures

Family pictures

Flames

This week was a strange one. Amidst all the repairs we have been making summer life rolls along. I managed to find a new cell phone and Dave fixed the upstairs toilet just in time for the kids to break it again. Guess what he is doing this weekend?
Our home phone and internet were down this week so I felt a little cut off. I am down to about 1 major meltdown a day, but yesterday I had 2. First Seth locked us out of the house. We have to break in through one of the windows. Fortunately everyone was with me and we could get in without calling a locksmith. We have been tell Seth not to lock doors since he got here. There is something about the mechanism or the fact that you can't open it, or something that appeals to him, because despite numerous disciplinary actions, he still locks them. Maybe I yelled loud enough to get something through to him yesterday.
Later that day I discovered that one of the boys had not closed the freezer Wednesday night when he had put something away. This is our large storage freezer. The first shelf and the door were entirely melted as were several items on the other shelves. This when I had my second emotional breakdown. As I was fussing over the fact that they can't be trusted with anything, and I have go check behind them with everything, Joel is his calm sweet voice said "Mom sometimes I feel like you are going to burst into flame."
That gave me pause. I said "Joel, sometimes I feel like that too!". We laughed and managed to have a good evening.

Dave's first day home alone with 6 boys.

So the fall out from my first night back at work and Dave's first day home alone with 6 boys was unexpected. It seems that the worst thing that happened was the 3 older boys managed to log into my ebay account using their computer and bid on 4 Yu-Gi-Oh cards. Fortunately they figured shipping into their bids and did not bid more than their combined piggy banks could afford, but I CANNOT BELIEVE MY CHILDREN WERE BIDDING ON EBAY!!!! So far they have been outbid on 1 item and are winning the other 3. Time to change the ebay password.

Success

I think of this blog as a way to remember our lives during this time. As it is fun to remember the humorous things, it is also important to remember triumphs. This is one I believe. The twins were assigned a math project at school. They had to create their own math game. Jace chose something like chutes and ladders where he created a board. You draw a card, and answer the math question on it. If you get it right then you get to roll the dice and move ahead. If you get it wrong then you stay where you are. It was simple and complete and he did a good job. Bren, however blew me away. He is so forgetful, fanciful, and distracted most of the time I often miss the elements of brilliance that make him my husband's son. His game is played with cards. There are roles, the banker and the players. Everyone starts with $2.00. The banker plays 2 cards that have numbers on them. The players get to look at the numbers and decide if they will play in that round. If they choose to play, it costs them $.05. They pay the banker and the first player rolls the dice. You have to roll one of the digits on one of the cards to get a chance to play. If you don't roll a digit shown then it moves to the next player who rolls. If you do get a digit then you have a choice as to what math problem you will do. You get $1.00 for adding correctly, $2.00 for subtracting correctly and $5.00 for multiplying. The banker checks the answer on the calculator. If the player gets it wrong, the remaining players resume rolling and answering until someone gets it right or everyone has taken a turn. If they get it right then the banker pays them their money and draws 2 more cards. When the cards run out, the person with the most money gets to be banker but no one can be banker twice in 1 game. When everyone has had a chance to be banker, the person with the most money wins. We played this game last night with the kids and had a great time. Bren and Jace were really challenged by the banker role, and Dave and I were challenged by some of the 3 digit multiplication question we had to do in our heads. What great fun. I hope Bren gets a great grade for this one.

Boys dancing

Seth and Bryce were showing me their "cool moves" yesterday. Here is the video.

BREN!!!

Thursday - Lost birthday frog. Thought he needed to stretch his legs so left him on the floor of the twins room with the door open, under a pile of cards. That was a good idea wasn't it? Anyway, did homework, when returned to room frog was gone!
Utter despair.
Friday - Frog found by Dad. Superhero Dad! Promises never to do anything like that again.
Monday - lost birthday frog. Left him on the floor covered by a plastic volcano. Forgot about frog and announced this to parents while in car to go to swim team practice. Volcano was kicked over by someone, no frog.
Monday 7pm - room searched by family
9pm - room searched by parents
10pm - room searched by mom
2am - room searched by dad
5am - room searched by mom
6am - room searched by dad
6:30am - frog found accidently by Bren
7am - parents regretting purchasing birthday frog for irresponsible 9y/o and threatening to take frog back to the pet store should ANYTHING like this EVER happen again.

Time Out

So I never thought that I would be one to celebrate a child sitting in a time-out chair, but we are. Seth managed to sit in the time-out chair for the first time this weekend. This is significant, because previously when he had to go there he would not stay in, he would scrape the chair along the floor, hit the walls, and attack the table that sits near the chair. We would eventually have to take him to his car seat. Now at our month anniversary he sat for the first time in his time-out. Progress!

How to write it all down?

I would love to catalogue these days, but I get up when the kids do and at the end of the day I fall into bed exhausted. I need to put in items of note though. These are things that have made us feel more like a family.
1) We went to see the Gleysteen's yesterday in Birmingham. Dr. John Gleysteen had done Zane's life saving surgery in Ethiopia last September. It was wonderful to shake the hand of the man who saved our baby's life.
2) We have gone 8 full days without a tantrum/time-out session with Seth. Last week on Tuesday I was talking to my mom and telling her that we were having a good week so far and that the only person who had been in the time-out chair was Bryce. Bryce stated loudly that Seth had been in the time-out chair as well. Immediately Seth shouted "Time-out chair NO!". I told him that he was right...he had not been in the time-out chair this week.
3) Bryce and Seth were outside playing and Bryce was coming in intermittently to tattle on Seth. Once Seth came in with a stream of words in his language. Bryce came in behind him and asked "What did he say?". We said "We don't know, but we assume he's tattling on you." Bryce then says "Don't believe anything he says!"
4) My washer broke Monday so we had to go out and get a new one. We bought a floor model so it could be delivered Wednesday. They didn't have all the parts when they delivered it, so they said it would be 7-10 days before they could get it all hooked up. Meanwhile, the children were in the backyard having a mudslinging contest and there I was without a washer.
5) Dave was ordained as an elder Thursday evening. Prior to our neighbors arriving to watch the boys, Bren's frog got lost, the little boys were forgotten strapped in the car, the pizza wasn't picked up and everyone was crying. God bless Cindy and Kimberly Merriam who amidst that bedlam allowed us to walk out the door and encouraged us to go out to dinner after the church service.

These days

So we have been home for a week now. I have accomplished some things. There are pictures on the blog and on facebook. Our laundry is done and put away. I think that's all I have accomplished. It has been so helpful to have the meals coming in. My church/friend neighbors has been lending me their daughter to accompany me to outings just so there will be another adult type person there. We are meeting with the elders tomorrow at church to have them pray over our family.
I feel like we are having forward momentum. Yesterday Bryce and Seth shot each other with water sprayers for hours. They each went through 4 changes of clothes. After a week I am now comfortable and happy with the decision to take Bryce out of preschool to spend time with his brothers. We have had 3 episode free days in a row. Seth still doesn't obey that well, but it's difficult to determine if he truly understands what he is being told. There is a lot of pointing and grunting. I am feeling better about our relationship. He has been snuggly with me when Dave has been at work and is seeming to adjust better to our comings and goings. I would say that we are in a much better frame of mind than a week ago. Now I just have to start adding back pieces of life one at a time.

guest house

Pictures pictures

More pictures from Ethiopia

Ethiopia pictures

What was normal?

Part of me wishes that I had kept a journal during our time in Ethiopia. It's so difficult to describe everything that we experienced. We got in on Tuesday morning. We went to our guest house, explored the area, had dinner and went to sleep. Day 2 we were picked up at 1000 by the CWA van and taken to the foster home. We got to see Zane first. His nanny prayed over him, and we got to see the area and speak to the nurse. We then went to the boys foster home to pick up Seth. The moment Dave stepped out of the car Seth ran to him and clung tight. He gave me a cursory hug and then it was all about Dave. We got his well worn photo album, and a quilt a family had made for him. Those were all of his possessions. We then got back in the van and went back to the guest house. We spent the afternoon playing with him and trying to get to know him a little.
Day 3, we went back to the CWA office to do paperwork and have a coffee ceremony. This was the first day that Seth began to do things that concerned us. He would do something, we would tell him not to, he would look at us, smile, and do it again. Infuriating for parents who are pretty strict with the kids. First screaming episode happened at dinner. We think he was not happy with what was offered and then proceeded to scream through his time out after he poured his water on the floor.
Day 4 - Embassy date. Seth, who we believe to be 4 yrs old sat quietly for 2 hrs while we waited for our appointment. He didn't ever play with the toys we brought for him. Wonder why time outs don't bother him so much. Got to go visit Acacia Village. It was a neat outing. No further disobedience, a good day.
The weekend - Nothing to do, had to stay within the walls of the guest house. One day Seth ran away from me and an Ethiopian man had to chase him down for me. Another time he did the very thing that Dave told him not to then proceeded to scream for an hour through time out. We were so blessed in the people at the guest house. The Ethiopians tried to help us, the Swedish people were tolerant, helpful, and gave us so much support and words of wisdom. We owe them all so much.
Monday - ended up being another day at the guest house, though Dave took a trip out.
Tuesday - we spoke to the people from the foster home about Seth's behavior. They were as surprised as we were and just encouraged us to give it time. We left at 10:15pm to fly home.
Wednesday - 0830 we land in Washington Dulles airport. We hooked up with Chris and Anna Routly. We were so happy to see them, and amazed that they would drive that far to just spend a couple of hours with us. Seth was tired and wanted to lay on the floor. When we told him he couldn't, he went limp and started screaming in the airport. We did not want to be an item for attention so we went outside. When Dave set him down he ran for the street which was full of cars. Dave caught him at the barrier. (Next lesson traffic safety) More screaming ensued. We others left Dave sitting with the screaming child and went in to have coffee and talk about the trip. The flight to Atlanta was uneventful and we were met with 2 surprise parties and tons of happy people.
Thursday - We spent the morning going back and forth in time out with more than an hour of screaming. It's like he wants to be in trouble and he's looking for things to get him in trouble.
The weekend - better, fewer episodes, more play time.
Monday - Dave goes back to work. We pull Bryce out of preschool due to his own emotional transition. Feel like it would be good to spend time with mom and brothers. No episodes from Seth, and he gives mom her first real hug.

I have never been afraid of one of my children. I have to say we were afraid to take Seth into public and part of me still is. We don't know when he will melt down and have a full on 2y/o tantrum. The language barrier is even more difficult than anticipated just because he withdraws into silence and we didn't realize how much we use words to work things out. I was prepared to be rejected by my new child, but emotionally how can you be? I expected that he would reject both of us, not just me. The whole time we were there he was attached to Dave at the hip and would hardly look at me. Our major episodes were when Dave went out and Seth refused to obey or even acknowledge me. What a change from the 4 little boys who are usually all over me. It has been better since we are at home, but it is a constant effort to keep my heart open to this little boy. I have to keep opening up myself to love him, though he may keep hurting and rejecting me. Having Dave at work has been better for me. He called me Mommy for the first time on Friday, and yesterday I got my first hug. So we are making progress. I find myself physically tired, but I think it's mostly from emotions. The baby is wonderful. I have enjoyed him so much, but he is a baby and tiring. We have had an outpouring of support and are thankful for it. I want to accept the help and I am a little at a loss as to how to do that. For now, I'm going to try to do those things that make life run...appointments, laundry, meals. Hopefully the rest will follow.

Back Home

We are back. We are now trying to manage life with 6 little boys. The problems we are encountering are different than we'd imagined. Still, we are happy to be home, and happy to be beginning our new life with our new family.

Plans

It is so difficult to know what you have put in a blog and what still needs to be posted. In the time since my last post, my parents have become concerned about my grandfather's help and a joint decision was made. We have called in all favors from friends and my parents will be staying in Arizona. I have been sweetly surprised at how willing people are to help us. We always seem to be so needy and I assume that they will get tired of having to bail us out.
As we prepare to leave for Africa, I have to keep my head in the game for 2 more days of work. We then have one more day to spend with the boys and then off we go to get the new boys and who knows what that will be like. After waiting for so long it is a surreal experience. I have trained myself not to think in terms of time lines. The other day when I was considering holding the baby in my arms, I found myself being unwilling to count down the days.
I want to go there and take those children out of a group and say "You are mine!!! God has ordained that you be given to me. You are loved. You are wanted and we have waited for you for soooooo long."

Blog Schizophrenia

New mood equals new blog colors.

Elation equals fear

So the first time I posted that we had an embassy date it was only pure joy. I couldn't have been happier at how this one thing happened in our adoption faster that we thought it would. 1 month later, after looking at packed bags in the dining room day after day, wondering if we should send a care package, wondering, waiting... Today I was with my group of ladies doing our Bible study when I saw Ben's number come up on my phone. I thought "NO WAY!" My ladies were there to hear me scream and watch me clap and jump around. Is the second time the charm? I'm so excited to get my boys. I'm so glad that they will still be mine and that nothing came up in the investigation that would take them from me. Still, there is underlying apprehension. It has been taken before, will something terrible happen again to cause another delay? The cares of the world do not go away. With every joy there is an element of sadness. I will be in Africa meeting my new boys, while my blonde boys are on spring break. I will miss that time with them. My grandfather isn't doing as well as he might. As my parents trek back across the country to help us, they are torn by wanting to help him too and not a little anxious about what will happen while they are gone. Still this week will be sweet and scary as we embrace again the idea of new life with new boys. What is life with God without risk?

What now?

I would write something if only I had something to write. I wish we knew. Maybe soon...

Sad thoughts

These are some thoughts that I shared with a group of ladies who are also in process of adopting from Ethiopia. It has been announced that those families who have not yet passed court will have to appear for the court hearing as well as the embassy date. It is difficult news for some of these ladies who will now have to make 2 trips to Ethiopia to complete their adoption. We still sit and wait for a new embassy date and have no idea when it will come.

I'm so sorry for everyone who has to make 2 trips. It
seems that the entire Ethiopian adoption program is taking a hit right
at the moment. People always told me that my adoption wouldn't look
anything like I thought it would. At the time I couldn't fathom what
that could mean. Everyone else who had gone through it seemed to make
it fairly smoothly. I marvel at the irony of our embassy date debacle.
It was the one thing in the entire adoption process that happened faster
than expected. Everything else took so much longer than anticipated. I
saw the different crazy financial things that happened to Tiffany as
they prepared to travel. When it came to be out turn I wondered what
might happen to us. I prayed that it wouldn't be financial...it
wasn't. I never would have guessed that it would be this. Our bags are
packed and sitting in our dining room.
I'm sure there are great amounts of disappointment and heartache in this
group right now. Despite reassurances, things still hurt. My parents
are still out their plane tickets, we are still out the fees for our
plane tickets, all the plans I had for the next few months are
ruined...and it hurts. It hurts to think of going to meet your child
and then having to leave for a relatively unknown period of time before
you can go back and get them again. It's scary to try to determine how
to pay for 2 trips around the world. I think it is alright to hurt.
God meets us in inexplicable ways. I have told him exactly what I think
of this entire situation. I am more calm than should be possible, and I
wish that for you. As much as it doesn't help now, the thought that
weighs in my mind is that in the grand scheme of life these weeks,
months, and years are a blink of an eye. I eagerly look forward to that
time when all of this pain is a distant memory. There is nothing in the
world like this adoption process to disrupt your plans and force you to
crawl to God and trust him to put you back together from the wreck this
makes of you.
Maia

Waiting again

So, the news is that our wait may not be a full 8 weeks, or it may be more than that if there is a problem in the investigation. The concrete news is that we will not have the March 9th embassy date. We have been told by both our case manager and the State Department that it will not happen. Our plane tickets are on hold. We can hold them for up to 1 year. Now we change our prayers to asking God to make the investigation run smoothly so that we can get a new date as soon as possible. My parents came to stay with us anyway. They are great people. Their arrival has softened the blow on my kids. Now we are hanging out and trying to enjoy each other despite the ridiculous amount of stress we are all under. Please pray that my Ethiopian boys are well cared for, and that they have confidence that we are coming for them.

Thanks

Thank you to everyone who prayed for us today. Thank you to those who came and touched our hearts, thanks to those who thought of us and prayed. We head into this week with reserved expectation of good news. We asked God for a miracle. We would love to have our embassy date reinstated. We will just have to see. Thank you so much to everyone who has supported and cried with us over the past few days.

Staying home

So it looks like no embassy date for us right now. We have not completely lost hope. A worker from the agency is going to the embassy next week to plead individual cases. God can change their minds and let us through. If that doesn't happen, then we are looking at a long wait. I keep telling myself that it's for God's glory, not just in his timing, but actually for his Glory! Still we are hurting so deeply. I had finally let my emotions run away. I envisioned myself holding and hugging our little ones. The idea that those visions are not close is heart breaking. This week I put all the baby's clothes in his dresser. If we wait I may have to take them all back out because he will be too big. Contemplating the time I am missing with them pulls at my body and weighs me down. Somehow...it is for his glory and our greater good.

Follow up Zane's story

We continued to get information about Zane throughout the rest of the adoption process. We got chest xray reports that I was able to run by my group of physicians. We got lab results, which showed an near normal hemoglobin when he first arrived at the orphanage. We know way more about Zane medically than we do about Seth, and probably more than 90% of adoptive families from Ethiopia. We see his adorable face and can't wait to get him and squeeze his fat rolls.
Due to this blog and the information others have provided, we have found the American surgeon who performed Zane's surgery. He lives about 3 hours from us. Our intention is to go visit him once we have Zane home and get some pictures. I'll post them when it happens.

Zane's story part 5b Wednesday, Afternnon

Secure in the sense that we didn't have to get it right Dave left to go get Bryce from preschool. We had discussed the idea that it didn't matter really what we chose. If we truly trusted God and this was truly our baby then he was coming to us no matter what we said. If he really was not our baby, then he wasn't coming to us regardless of what we said. If God is in control then he can influence systems to do his will. When Dave arrived home, he found me crying in front of the computer. We had received an email from one of the physicians (Melissa)who we had sent the medical record to. She is very trustworthy, brilliant, and thorough. It seemed that she had combed that record. She said that she believed the low hemoglobin had been dilutional due the large amounts of resucitation fluid the staff had given the baby. Unfortunately, we didn't have the cbc that showed the results. She said that it looked like other than over-hydrating him a bit, that they had taken good care of him and that he was doing well. In her opinion, he was healthy enough for us to take.
Later that afternoon, out of the blue, I got a call from another physician friend (Laurie) to had looked over the initial paperwork with me. I had mentioned that I would like a surgeon to look over the medical record. She told me that she was at work and the specific surgeon I had mentioned was there. She asked if I would like her to show him the record. I said "yes" and spent the next minutes sending it to her.
At 9:00pm I received another phone call. It was Laurie again. She had the surgeon (Matt) on the phone. As he started to talk to me he mentioned that he had worked in Africa for 2 years. He said "You know that I worked in Africa for 2 years?". I said that I didn't know that, at the same time being dumbfounded. What better person to look over the record than someone who was familiar with the system there. He said that the physicians there are very good. We didn't have an operative report, but he said from what was in the record that all looked well and he would have no reservations about the baby.
After hearing this report from Matt and Melissa, Dave and I popped the bottle of champagne. We heard from the other physician the next day. He also said that the baby looked healthy and that we should go ahead. We filled out the form and faxed it in. We were getting a baby!

Zane's story part 5b Wednesday, Home

On the drive home I thought about the words I had received. This was obviously not an accident. It could not have been more real had I heard these words audibly, but I felt "It's not about having faith to make the right decision...It's about having faith in Me!"

I arrived home to find Dave (who was home sick) working on the computer. I went and sat down in the computer room and asked "Have you been on a spiritual journey today?". Dave slowly turned around in the computer chair and looked at me. He replied "I feel like I should say yes." I laughed and told him there was no right answer and to just tell me if God had been talking to him. He told me that he was having a growing sense that it wasn't about making a "right" choice. It was about having a heart for God's will and making "a" choice. He felt that after the choice was made the the reality of whether of not the baby actually came to us was up to God.
I recounted my tumultuous morning to him and asked if we had to make a decision about Yared right then, what would he say. He said that he would say "No". I told him that I would say "Yes". Put us in an interesting situation. He asked if my morning had made me change my mind. I told him that it had, that one cannot stay the same when one has had a bludgeoning from God all morning. Dave told me that we should wait until we heard from the physicians about the medical record, and make a decision then.

Zane's story part 5a Wednesday, Good Sam

It seems somewhat fitting that on a Wednesday I will attempt to finish Zane's story that took such a drastic turn on a Wednesday. We had received the referral on Thursday. Tuesday we had learned that Zane's surgery was to fix pyloric stenosis and we had gotten the medical record which was written in English. We were still uncertain though. We had this strange low hemoglobin value with no explanation.
Wednesday morning I got up and started my Bible study. My group and I had been working through the book Believing God by Beth Moore. Interestingly, that morning the task in the workbook was to look up a whole bunch of different verses. As I went through them I was struck by the running theme. They all spoke about God's power, God's faithfulness, and how to have faith and trust in him. By the end of the set of verses I was saying "Ok God. I get that I'm supposed to have faith. But what do I have faith in? Do I have the faith to say no? or the faith to say yes to this baby?"
I headed off to volunteer that morning. Dave and I volunteer at a low income health clinic. I wanted to get there in time for their devotions because I wanted them to pray for us. While I drove to Good Sam I prayed for God to answer my question. To give me the information I needed to make the right decision. Due to traffic I arrived slightly late. The doctor had already started the devotion. Interestingly, he was talking about having faith. Hmmmmm. He related it the field of finances, but I related it to my own situation. He reminded us that God takes care of each of his creatures. He dresses up the flowers in their time and makes them beautiful. He cares for the animals, gives them the food and shelter they need. How much more does he care for us? He told us that we may not get everything we want, but he will provide all that we need because he has promised to do so.
When Jake finished, I shared my story and our request for prayers for guidance. I bawled all the way through the conversation and prayer. I so desperately wanted to make the right choice for my family.
After prayers, Jake caught me attempting to pull myself together in another room. He shared with me one of his adoption stories. He told me about how when they were going to adopt their oldest child, that a group of missionaries had visited the orphanage where he was. They brought back the report that something was wrong with his hearing. Jake and Sajini had to decide if they would still accept a hearing impaired child. He said that he understood some of the conflict I was feeling. They decided that they would accept the child anyway, and started learning sign language. Miraculously, when they got him home, they found that he had horrible ear infections. When they got the infections cleared away, the child's hearing was normal. He told me that we just needed to trust God for the decision. I told him that I wanted to trust God, but I didn't know what decision to make. I had previously shared about how we had decided not to accept Yared if he had anything other than pyloric stenosis. Jake looked at me and said, "It sounds like you have put some pretty specific things in front of God and it looks like he has answered you."
And with those simple words, my world fell apart. I was consumed by fear. I said something to end the conversation, the ran to the bathroom and sobbed. I asked myself why I was so afraid of this baby? Why was I so afraid of the unknown? Did I not believe that God would take care of me and my current children through our circumstances?
I must apologize to all the patients I drew blood on that day. I was a complete wreck and shaking like a leaf while I was sticking them with large needles. (I didn't miss any though.)
During one lull, I was in the lab spinning some blood. The dentist at the clinic happened to walk by. I had not met her before and she had not come to the devotions that morning. She told me her name was Gloria. She asked me some about myself, and we found that we had a military background in common, mine being a child of a member of the military. After talking about that a little, out of the blue, she says "You know what I want in my life? I want to trust God more. I feel like everything we do is half-assed and I want to trust him completely and see where is takes me!"
At this point I had to laugh. I felt like I had been bludgeoned. I told her my story and she got a huge smile on her face. She told me that it wasn't about making the "right" choice. It was about trust. She continued on to tell me about a miracle in her own life. A child that we was told she would never conceive, who is now 10. She said "Just take the baby and God will take care of the rest!". I headed home feeling beaten, but somehow comforted.

OUR EMBASSY DATE

We got the official confirmation of our embassy date today. It will be March 9th. My parents will be flying in Feb. 27th from Arizona to watch the kids for the week we are gone. We will leave March 3rd and fly home March 12. We are going a little early because my adventurous husband needs some time to sight see. Fortunately have a co-worker with family in Addis who is willing to have someone show us around. How fun! Hopefully we won't get sick.

HOLY COW

So I didn't get to finish Zane's story yet. It snowed here in Atlanta and I got stuck at work. Anyway, a man named Fred from Australia posted a comment on one of the parts of Zane's story. He had come across an article about a baby and wanted to know if it could be Zane. I pulled up the article http://www.medicalteams.org/sf/archives/john_gleysteen.aspx and was greeted by a picture of a very familiar belly. The most incredible part comes next. This surgeon lives in Birmingham, Alabama, about 3 hours away from us. Guess where we are going to take Zane for a visit after he gets home?

Seth and Zane see their family