Sunday, February 28, 2010
Thanks
Thank you to everyone who prayed for us today. Thank you to those who came and touched our hearts, thanks to those who thought of us and prayed. We head into this week with reserved expectation of good news. We asked God for a miracle. We would love to have our embassy date reinstated. We will just have to see. Thank you so much to everyone who has supported and cried with us over the past few days.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Staying home
So it looks like no embassy date for us right now. We have not completely lost hope. A worker from the agency is going to the embassy next week to plead individual cases. God can change their minds and let us through. If that doesn't happen, then we are looking at a long wait. I keep telling myself that it's for God's glory, not just in his timing, but actually for his Glory! Still we are hurting so deeply. I had finally let my emotions run away. I envisioned myself holding and hugging our little ones. The idea that those visions are not close is heart breaking. This week I put all the baby's clothes in his dresser. If we wait I may have to take them all back out because he will be too big. Contemplating the time I am missing with them pulls at my body and weighs me down. Somehow...it is for his glory and our greater good.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Follow up Zane's story
We continued to get information about Zane throughout the rest of the adoption process. We got chest xray reports that I was able to run by my group of physicians. We got lab results, which showed an near normal hemoglobin when he first arrived at the orphanage. We know way more about Zane medically than we do about Seth, and probably more than 90% of adoptive families from Ethiopia. We see his adorable face and can't wait to get him and squeeze his fat rolls.
Due to this blog and the information others have provided, we have found the American surgeon who performed Zane's surgery. He lives about 3 hours from us. Our intention is to go visit him once we have Zane home and get some pictures. I'll post them when it happens.
Zane's story part 5b Wednesday, Afternnon
Secure in the sense that we didn't have to get it right Dave left to go get Bryce from preschool. We had discussed the idea that it didn't matter really what we chose. If we truly trusted God and this was truly our baby then he was coming to us no matter what we said. If he really was not our baby, then he wasn't coming to us regardless of what we said. If God is in control then he can influence systems to do his will. When Dave arrived home, he found me crying in front of the computer. We had received an email from one of the physicians (Melissa)who we had sent the medical record to. She is very trustworthy, brilliant, and thorough. It seemed that she had combed that record. She said that she believed the low hemoglobin had been dilutional due the large amounts of resucitation fluid the staff had given the baby. Unfortunately, we didn't have the cbc that showed the results. She said that it looked like other than over-hydrating him a bit, that they had taken good care of him and that he was doing well. In her opinion, he was healthy enough for us to take.
Later that afternoon, out of the blue, I got a call from another physician friend (Laurie) to had looked over the initial paperwork with me. I had mentioned that I would like a surgeon to look over the medical record. She told me that she was at work and the specific surgeon I had mentioned was there. She asked if I would like her to show him the record. I said "yes" and spent the next minutes sending it to her.
At 9:00pm I received another phone call. It was Laurie again. She had the surgeon (Matt) on the phone. As he started to talk to me he mentioned that he had worked in Africa for 2 years. He said "You know that I worked in Africa for 2 years?". I said that I didn't know that, at the same time being dumbfounded. What better person to look over the record than someone who was familiar with the system there. He said that the physicians there are very good. We didn't have an operative report, but he said from what was in the record that all looked well and he would have no reservations about the baby.
After hearing this report from Matt and Melissa, Dave and I popped the bottle of champagne. We heard from the other physician the next day. He also said that the baby looked healthy and that we should go ahead. We filled out the form and faxed it in. We were getting a baby!
Later that afternoon, out of the blue, I got a call from another physician friend (Laurie) to had looked over the initial paperwork with me. I had mentioned that I would like a surgeon to look over the medical record. She told me that she was at work and the specific surgeon I had mentioned was there. She asked if I would like her to show him the record. I said "yes" and spent the next minutes sending it to her.
At 9:00pm I received another phone call. It was Laurie again. She had the surgeon (Matt) on the phone. As he started to talk to me he mentioned that he had worked in Africa for 2 years. He said "You know that I worked in Africa for 2 years?". I said that I didn't know that, at the same time being dumbfounded. What better person to look over the record than someone who was familiar with the system there. He said that the physicians there are very good. We didn't have an operative report, but he said from what was in the record that all looked well and he would have no reservations about the baby.
After hearing this report from Matt and Melissa, Dave and I popped the bottle of champagne. We heard from the other physician the next day. He also said that the baby looked healthy and that we should go ahead. We filled out the form and faxed it in. We were getting a baby!
Zane's story part 5b Wednesday, Home
On the drive home I thought about the words I had received. This was obviously not an accident. It could not have been more real had I heard these words audibly, but I felt "It's not about having faith to make the right decision...It's about having faith in Me!"
I arrived home to find Dave (who was home sick) working on the computer. I went and sat down in the computer room and asked "Have you been on a spiritual journey today?". Dave slowly turned around in the computer chair and looked at me. He replied "I feel like I should say yes." I laughed and told him there was no right answer and to just tell me if God had been talking to him. He told me that he was having a growing sense that it wasn't about making a "right" choice. It was about having a heart for God's will and making "a" choice. He felt that after the choice was made the the reality of whether of not the baby actually came to us was up to God.
I recounted my tumultuous morning to him and asked if we had to make a decision about Yared right then, what would he say. He said that he would say "No". I told him that I would say "Yes". Put us in an interesting situation. He asked if my morning had made me change my mind. I told him that it had, that one cannot stay the same when one has had a bludgeoning from God all morning. Dave told me that we should wait until we heard from the physicians about the medical record, and make a decision then.
I arrived home to find Dave (who was home sick) working on the computer. I went and sat down in the computer room and asked "Have you been on a spiritual journey today?". Dave slowly turned around in the computer chair and looked at me. He replied "I feel like I should say yes." I laughed and told him there was no right answer and to just tell me if God had been talking to him. He told me that he was having a growing sense that it wasn't about making a "right" choice. It was about having a heart for God's will and making "a" choice. He felt that after the choice was made the the reality of whether of not the baby actually came to us was up to God.
I recounted my tumultuous morning to him and asked if we had to make a decision about Yared right then, what would he say. He said that he would say "No". I told him that I would say "Yes". Put us in an interesting situation. He asked if my morning had made me change my mind. I told him that it had, that one cannot stay the same when one has had a bludgeoning from God all morning. Dave told me that we should wait until we heard from the physicians about the medical record, and make a decision then.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Zane's story part 5a Wednesday, Good Sam
It seems somewhat fitting that on a Wednesday I will attempt to finish Zane's story that took such a drastic turn on a Wednesday. We had received the referral on Thursday. Tuesday we had learned that Zane's surgery was to fix pyloric stenosis and we had gotten the medical record which was written in English. We were still uncertain though. We had this strange low hemoglobin value with no explanation.
Wednesday morning I got up and started my Bible study. My group and I had been working through the book Believing God by Beth Moore. Interestingly, that morning the task in the workbook was to look up a whole bunch of different verses. As I went through them I was struck by the running theme. They all spoke about God's power, God's faithfulness, and how to have faith and trust in him. By the end of the set of verses I was saying "Ok God. I get that I'm supposed to have faith. But what do I have faith in? Do I have the faith to say no? or the faith to say yes to this baby?"
I headed off to volunteer that morning. Dave and I volunteer at a low income health clinic. I wanted to get there in time for their devotions because I wanted them to pray for us. While I drove to Good Sam I prayed for God to answer my question. To give me the information I needed to make the right decision. Due to traffic I arrived slightly late. The doctor had already started the devotion. Interestingly, he was talking about having faith. Hmmmmm. He related it the field of finances, but I related it to my own situation. He reminded us that God takes care of each of his creatures. He dresses up the flowers in their time and makes them beautiful. He cares for the animals, gives them the food and shelter they need. How much more does he care for us? He told us that we may not get everything we want, but he will provide all that we need because he has promised to do so.
When Jake finished, I shared my story and our request for prayers for guidance. I bawled all the way through the conversation and prayer. I so desperately wanted to make the right choice for my family.
After prayers, Jake caught me attempting to pull myself together in another room. He shared with me one of his adoption stories. He told me about how when they were going to adopt their oldest child, that a group of missionaries had visited the orphanage where he was. They brought back the report that something was wrong with his hearing. Jake and Sajini had to decide if they would still accept a hearing impaired child. He said that he understood some of the conflict I was feeling. They decided that they would accept the child anyway, and started learning sign language. Miraculously, when they got him home, they found that he had horrible ear infections. When they got the infections cleared away, the child's hearing was normal. He told me that we just needed to trust God for the decision. I told him that I wanted to trust God, but I didn't know what decision to make. I had previously shared about how we had decided not to accept Yared if he had anything other than pyloric stenosis. Jake looked at me and said, "It sounds like you have put some pretty specific things in front of God and it looks like he has answered you."
And with those simple words, my world fell apart. I was consumed by fear. I said something to end the conversation, the ran to the bathroom and sobbed. I asked myself why I was so afraid of this baby? Why was I so afraid of the unknown? Did I not believe that God would take care of me and my current children through our circumstances?
I must apologize to all the patients I drew blood on that day. I was a complete wreck and shaking like a leaf while I was sticking them with large needles. (I didn't miss any though.)
During one lull, I was in the lab spinning some blood. The dentist at the clinic happened to walk by. I had not met her before and she had not come to the devotions that morning. She told me her name was Gloria. She asked me some about myself, and we found that we had a military background in common, mine being a child of a member of the military. After talking about that a little, out of the blue, she says "You know what I want in my life? I want to trust God more. I feel like everything we do is half-assed and I want to trust him completely and see where is takes me!"
At this point I had to laugh. I felt like I had been bludgeoned. I told her my story and she got a huge smile on her face. She told me that it wasn't about making the "right" choice. It was about trust. She continued on to tell me about a miracle in her own life. A child that we was told she would never conceive, who is now 10. She said "Just take the baby and God will take care of the rest!". I headed home feeling beaten, but somehow comforted.
Wednesday morning I got up and started my Bible study. My group and I had been working through the book Believing God by Beth Moore. Interestingly, that morning the task in the workbook was to look up a whole bunch of different verses. As I went through them I was struck by the running theme. They all spoke about God's power, God's faithfulness, and how to have faith and trust in him. By the end of the set of verses I was saying "Ok God. I get that I'm supposed to have faith. But what do I have faith in? Do I have the faith to say no? or the faith to say yes to this baby?"
I headed off to volunteer that morning. Dave and I volunteer at a low income health clinic. I wanted to get there in time for their devotions because I wanted them to pray for us. While I drove to Good Sam I prayed for God to answer my question. To give me the information I needed to make the right decision. Due to traffic I arrived slightly late. The doctor had already started the devotion. Interestingly, he was talking about having faith. Hmmmmm. He related it the field of finances, but I related it to my own situation. He reminded us that God takes care of each of his creatures. He dresses up the flowers in their time and makes them beautiful. He cares for the animals, gives them the food and shelter they need. How much more does he care for us? He told us that we may not get everything we want, but he will provide all that we need because he has promised to do so.
When Jake finished, I shared my story and our request for prayers for guidance. I bawled all the way through the conversation and prayer. I so desperately wanted to make the right choice for my family.
After prayers, Jake caught me attempting to pull myself together in another room. He shared with me one of his adoption stories. He told me about how when they were going to adopt their oldest child, that a group of missionaries had visited the orphanage where he was. They brought back the report that something was wrong with his hearing. Jake and Sajini had to decide if they would still accept a hearing impaired child. He said that he understood some of the conflict I was feeling. They decided that they would accept the child anyway, and started learning sign language. Miraculously, when they got him home, they found that he had horrible ear infections. When they got the infections cleared away, the child's hearing was normal. He told me that we just needed to trust God for the decision. I told him that I wanted to trust God, but I didn't know what decision to make. I had previously shared about how we had decided not to accept Yared if he had anything other than pyloric stenosis. Jake looked at me and said, "It sounds like you have put some pretty specific things in front of God and it looks like he has answered you."
And with those simple words, my world fell apart. I was consumed by fear. I said something to end the conversation, the ran to the bathroom and sobbed. I asked myself why I was so afraid of this baby? Why was I so afraid of the unknown? Did I not believe that God would take care of me and my current children through our circumstances?
I must apologize to all the patients I drew blood on that day. I was a complete wreck and shaking like a leaf while I was sticking them with large needles. (I didn't miss any though.)
During one lull, I was in the lab spinning some blood. The dentist at the clinic happened to walk by. I had not met her before and she had not come to the devotions that morning. She told me her name was Gloria. She asked me some about myself, and we found that we had a military background in common, mine being a child of a member of the military. After talking about that a little, out of the blue, she says "You know what I want in my life? I want to trust God more. I feel like everything we do is half-assed and I want to trust him completely and see where is takes me!"
At this point I had to laugh. I felt like I had been bludgeoned. I told her my story and she got a huge smile on her face. She told me that it wasn't about making the "right" choice. It was about trust. She continued on to tell me about a miracle in her own life. A child that we was told she would never conceive, who is now 10. She said "Just take the baby and God will take care of the rest!". I headed home feeling beaten, but somehow comforted.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
OUR EMBASSY DATE
We got the official confirmation of our embassy date today. It will be March 9th. My parents will be flying in Feb. 27th from Arizona to watch the kids for the week we are gone. We will leave March 3rd and fly home March 12. We are going a little early because my adventurous husband needs some time to sight see. Fortunately have a co-worker with family in Addis who is willing to have someone show us around. How fun! Hopefully we won't get sick.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
HOLY COW
So I didn't get to finish Zane's story yet. It snowed here in Atlanta and I got stuck at work. Anyway, a man named Fred from Australia posted a comment on one of the parts of Zane's story. He had come across an article about a baby and wanted to know if it could be Zane. I pulled up the article http://www.medicalteams.org/sf/archives/john_gleysteen.aspx and was greeted by a picture of a very familiar belly. The most incredible part comes next. This surgeon lives in Birmingham, Alabama, about 3 hours away from us. Guess where we are going to take Zane for a visit after he gets home?
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Zane's story part 4
Tuesday came without much new information. I went to lunch with another fellow adoptive parent who reminded me that God is the one who has chosen these children for us and that he will work it out. I told her that I was relieved with our decision and ready to look toward the next referral.
I got home and pulled up our email. First we had an Ethiopian hospital medical record not translated, but written in English! One of my physician friends had told me it was going to be this way but I didn't believe him. Then, there it was a mere 4 days after the referral. Ben's note said that he couldn't really make out anything, but he doesn't have nurses eyes. I could read it, and the obstruction was a pyloric stenosis! I looked up the procedure they had done to correct it and it seemed like a standard procedure. At the same time I felt elated and disappointed. I had worked myself up to being content with letting Yared go and now he might stay. I called my friend from the morning and Dave, then sent all the medical information to two of my physician friends to see what they would say. Then we wait.
One little part of this story that I haven't mentioned was that we had this bottle of champagne that we were going to open when we got the referrals. It didn't seem right to open it when we got Seth's referral because it was just one. We went to Washington D.C. for the kids to see some of the Smithsonian museums in the interim. We took the bottle of champagne with us just in case we should get the second referral while we were away. The day we got Yared's referral didn't seem like the right day because we didn't know what to do about all of the medical stuff. So the champagne continued to sit in our refrigerator waiting for us to make a decision.
I got home and pulled up our email. First we had an Ethiopian hospital medical record not translated, but written in English! One of my physician friends had told me it was going to be this way but I didn't believe him. Then, there it was a mere 4 days after the referral. Ben's note said that he couldn't really make out anything, but he doesn't have nurses eyes. I could read it, and the obstruction was a pyloric stenosis! I looked up the procedure they had done to correct it and it seemed like a standard procedure. At the same time I felt elated and disappointed. I had worked myself up to being content with letting Yared go and now he might stay. I called my friend from the morning and Dave, then sent all the medical information to two of my physician friends to see what they would say. Then we wait.
One little part of this story that I haven't mentioned was that we had this bottle of champagne that we were going to open when we got the referrals. It didn't seem right to open it when we got Seth's referral because it was just one. We went to Washington D.C. for the kids to see some of the Smithsonian museums in the interim. We took the bottle of champagne with us just in case we should get the second referral while we were away. The day we got Yared's referral didn't seem like the right day because we didn't know what to do about all of the medical stuff. So the champagne continued to sit in our refrigerator waiting for us to make a decision.
Zane's story part 3
I went to church with a heavy heart Sunday. Whenever I saw another friend who had adopted or was on an adoption journey I started to cry. I was going to have to say "no" to this baby that emotionally I really wanted, but who just didn't seem like a good fit in our family. Dave and I had said at the very beginning, that we were going to adopt, but we were not going to sacrifice our 4 children to do so. Sure we all have to sacrifice something, but we didn't want to bring medically fragile children home who might take up 90% of our time and energies.
Monday brought emails chronicling Yared's time at the orphanage. It seemed that they had him for a few days, then he was vomiting and they took him to the hospital. They said his hemoglobin was 5 and that it was too low for surgery so he needed the transfusion.
That evening Dave and I had a long discussion. We talked about our reasons for adopting. We talked about Seth and how our decision about Yared would affect him. The longer we take, the longer he waits in the orphanage. We discussed how to determine how to make the "right" decision. If we made the "wrong" decision we would be taking someone else's baby. Maybe we would take him from someone who was more equipped to care for him. What if he was supposed to come to us and we said "no". Then what?
Eventually we decided that a bowel obstruction was too much of a chronic medical issue to add to our family. We don't have family members living near us, we have no one to take care of our kids should we have to stay in the hospital with a child for an extended period. We tried to put the idea of Yared behind us and look forward to another referral. From the emails and some of the information at the beginning there seemed a small chance that Yared's problem had been a pyloric stenosis. This is an innocuous problem which truly is a one time surgical fix. Trying not to be hasty we decided that we would wait to find out what the obstruction was. If it was anything other than a pyloric stenosis we would say "no". If it was pyloric stenosis then we would continue on and see if we could figure out the blood transfusion stuff.
Monday brought emails chronicling Yared's time at the orphanage. It seemed that they had him for a few days, then he was vomiting and they took him to the hospital. They said his hemoglobin was 5 and that it was too low for surgery so he needed the transfusion.
That evening Dave and I had a long discussion. We talked about our reasons for adopting. We talked about Seth and how our decision about Yared would affect him. The longer we take, the longer he waits in the orphanage. We discussed how to determine how to make the "right" decision. If we made the "wrong" decision we would be taking someone else's baby. Maybe we would take him from someone who was more equipped to care for him. What if he was supposed to come to us and we said "no". Then what?
Eventually we decided that a bowel obstruction was too much of a chronic medical issue to add to our family. We don't have family members living near us, we have no one to take care of our kids should we have to stay in the hospital with a child for an extended period. We tried to put the idea of Yared behind us and look forward to another referral. From the emails and some of the information at the beginning there seemed a small chance that Yared's problem had been a pyloric stenosis. This is an innocuous problem which truly is a one time surgical fix. Trying not to be hasty we decided that we would wait to find out what the obstruction was. If it was anything other than a pyloric stenosis we would say "no". If it was pyloric stenosis then we would continue on and see if we could figure out the blood transfusion stuff.
Zane's story part 2
I printed off the pictures and small amount of information we had been given and headed to work that night. I has asked Ben if we could get the medical record so we could find out just was what done at the hospital. He said that he could request it, but that it would need to be translated. I was faced with the idea that we would have to make the decision to accept or decline this baby with practically no information. How were they going to get us a translated medical record within the 10 days we had to decide?
I went to work that evening and didn't do a very good job. Every new physician who walked through the door got Yared's information thrust under his or her nose. Meanwhile I was looking up every possible cause of bowel obstruction and their prognoses. By the end of the weekend I had spoken to many physicians and there was a general consensus. Do not accept the baby. Bowel obstructions in a small infant are even more problematic, than those in older babies. What could have caused the low hemoglobin which made the transfusion necessary? Was there some sort of underlying coagulopathy, or did he just lose blood from a home birth? Only one physician encouraged me to accept the baby. All the rest said that the risk that this baby would turn out to have significant chronic problems was too high. One physician even sat down and talked me through all the testing that would have to be done to find out what was wrong and what therapies would be needed. It was so hard for me. I looked at his face, and his body and he looked like a healthy baby. How could he be sick? One of my physician friends asked me if I would even be considering him had I not seen the picture and I had to say "no".
I went to work that evening and didn't do a very good job. Every new physician who walked through the door got Yared's information thrust under his or her nose. Meanwhile I was looking up every possible cause of bowel obstruction and their prognoses. By the end of the weekend I had spoken to many physicians and there was a general consensus. Do not accept the baby. Bowel obstructions in a small infant are even more problematic, than those in older babies. What could have caused the low hemoglobin which made the transfusion necessary? Was there some sort of underlying coagulopathy, or did he just lose blood from a home birth? Only one physician encouraged me to accept the baby. All the rest said that the risk that this baby would turn out to have significant chronic problems was too high. One physician even sat down and talked me through all the testing that would have to be done to find out what was wrong and what therapies would be needed. It was so hard for me. I looked at his face, and his body and he looked like a healthy baby. How could he be sick? One of my physician friends asked me if I would even be considering him had I not seen the picture and I had to say "no".
Note to Heather
Help, I'm trying to get on to follow your blog and I can't manage it. What do I need to do?
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Zane's story part 1
So I finally got around to reading some comments people have posted. It's odd to me that anyone actually reads my blog. But I have been told to blog more. I used to do a weekly update before I got on facebook, and now all I seem to do is play bejeweled blitz. I am going to try to turn a new leaf and spend time posting to better keep in touch. Heather I love that fact that we can talk about our 6 children. I will always appreciate being invited over to your zoo...home. I'm sure I will soon feel the same way...sometimes I already do.
Now that the adoption is final I am able to tell you Zane's story. It is rather long so I'm going to break it up into segments. It was October 15, 2 weeks after we had received Seth's referral that we got the phone call. We had anticipated getting the second referral days after the first, so it had been a very difficult 2 weeks. Ben called in the morning and I had to work that night so I was resting. He told me that he had a referral for us. I was so excited. I wanted a little baby and I was sure that we were going to get an 11m/o because Dave wanted an older baby. So I steeled myself to hear about the baby.
Ben told me that he had been abandoned and that they had named him Yared. He was is Soddo the same orphanage as Seth. He then told me that Yared had undergone surgery for an obstruction. Being an RN I immediately asked what kind of obstruction. Ben said that they didn't have that information. He went on to tell me that Yared had also received a blood transfusion. My mind was whirring as I considered all the implications of this information. Ben said that the doctor that did the surgery had stated that there would be no follow-up needed, but that it was a complete fix. I was thinking that as a mother of 6 I was supposed to take the word of a surgeon that he had completely fixed the problem. I was trying to think of all the different maladies that would cause a bowel obstruction in an older baby. I asked Ben just how old he was and he said that Yared had been abandoned on Sept 16th when he was about 2 weeks old, so he was about a month an a half old then. I was swept away. This was the youngest referral I had ever heard of. He was born right around my birthday too. I went to the computer and pulled up his sweet little face and immediately fell in love.
Sick
I am generally a healthy person, but for some reason a certain bug has knocked me out. From cold to sinus infection I've now been sick for almost 2 weeks. We are still waiting for an embassy date and have great hopes to hear this week. I would love to start making travel plans. In the meantime, here are some more pictures.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Brothers Brothers
Many people have asked if the boys know that they are going to live together. Yes, they do! They have now been moved to the orphanage in Addis Ababa and these pictures were taken of them. They brought tears to my eyes! (I can't upload the images right now because of the file type. I'll try to get Dave to fix it so that I can post them.)
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