What was normal?

Part of me wishes that I had kept a journal during our time in Ethiopia. It's so difficult to describe everything that we experienced. We got in on Tuesday morning. We went to our guest house, explored the area, had dinner and went to sleep. Day 2 we were picked up at 1000 by the CWA van and taken to the foster home. We got to see Zane first. His nanny prayed over him, and we got to see the area and speak to the nurse. We then went to the boys foster home to pick up Seth. The moment Dave stepped out of the car Seth ran to him and clung tight. He gave me a cursory hug and then it was all about Dave. We got his well worn photo album, and a quilt a family had made for him. Those were all of his possessions. We then got back in the van and went back to the guest house. We spent the afternoon playing with him and trying to get to know him a little.
Day 3, we went back to the CWA office to do paperwork and have a coffee ceremony. This was the first day that Seth began to do things that concerned us. He would do something, we would tell him not to, he would look at us, smile, and do it again. Infuriating for parents who are pretty strict with the kids. First screaming episode happened at dinner. We think he was not happy with what was offered and then proceeded to scream through his time out after he poured his water on the floor.
Day 4 - Embassy date. Seth, who we believe to be 4 yrs old sat quietly for 2 hrs while we waited for our appointment. He didn't ever play with the toys we brought for him. Wonder why time outs don't bother him so much. Got to go visit Acacia Village. It was a neat outing. No further disobedience, a good day.
The weekend - Nothing to do, had to stay within the walls of the guest house. One day Seth ran away from me and an Ethiopian man had to chase him down for me. Another time he did the very thing that Dave told him not to then proceeded to scream for an hour through time out. We were so blessed in the people at the guest house. The Ethiopians tried to help us, the Swedish people were tolerant, helpful, and gave us so much support and words of wisdom. We owe them all so much.
Monday - ended up being another day at the guest house, though Dave took a trip out.
Tuesday - we spoke to the people from the foster home about Seth's behavior. They were as surprised as we were and just encouraged us to give it time. We left at 10:15pm to fly home.
Wednesday - 0830 we land in Washington Dulles airport. We hooked up with Chris and Anna Routly. We were so happy to see them, and amazed that they would drive that far to just spend a couple of hours with us. Seth was tired and wanted to lay on the floor. When we told him he couldn't, he went limp and started screaming in the airport. We did not want to be an item for attention so we went outside. When Dave set him down he ran for the street which was full of cars. Dave caught him at the barrier. (Next lesson traffic safety) More screaming ensued. We others left Dave sitting with the screaming child and went in to have coffee and talk about the trip. The flight to Atlanta was uneventful and we were met with 2 surprise parties and tons of happy people.
Thursday - We spent the morning going back and forth in time out with more than an hour of screaming. It's like he wants to be in trouble and he's looking for things to get him in trouble.
The weekend - better, fewer episodes, more play time.
Monday - Dave goes back to work. We pull Bryce out of preschool due to his own emotional transition. Feel like it would be good to spend time with mom and brothers. No episodes from Seth, and he gives mom her first real hug.

I have never been afraid of one of my children. I have to say we were afraid to take Seth into public and part of me still is. We don't know when he will melt down and have a full on 2y/o tantrum. The language barrier is even more difficult than anticipated just because he withdraws into silence and we didn't realize how much we use words to work things out. I was prepared to be rejected by my new child, but emotionally how can you be? I expected that he would reject both of us, not just me. The whole time we were there he was attached to Dave at the hip and would hardly look at me. Our major episodes were when Dave went out and Seth refused to obey or even acknowledge me. What a change from the 4 little boys who are usually all over me. It has been better since we are at home, but it is a constant effort to keep my heart open to this little boy. I have to keep opening up myself to love him, though he may keep hurting and rejecting me. Having Dave at work has been better for me. He called me Mommy for the first time on Friday, and yesterday I got my first hug. So we are making progress. I find myself physically tired, but I think it's mostly from emotions. The baby is wonderful. I have enjoyed him so much, but he is a baby and tiring. We have had an outpouring of support and are thankful for it. I want to accept the help and I am a little at a loss as to how to do that. For now, I'm going to try to do those things that make life run...appointments, laundry, meals. Hopefully the rest will follow.