Tuesday came without much new information. I went to lunch with another fellow adoptive parent who reminded me that God is the one who has chosen these children for us and that he will work it out. I told her that I was relieved with our decision and ready to look toward the next referral.
I got home and pulled up our email. First we had an Ethiopian hospital medical record not translated, but written in English! One of my physician friends had told me it was going to be this way but I didn't believe him. Then, there it was a mere 4 days after the referral. Ben's note said that he couldn't really make out anything, but he doesn't have nurses eyes. I could read it, and the obstruction was a pyloric stenosis! I looked up the procedure they had done to correct it and it seemed like a standard procedure. At the same time I felt elated and disappointed. I had worked myself up to being content with letting Yared go and now he might stay. I called my friend from the morning and Dave, then sent all the medical information to two of my physician friends to see what they would say. Then we wait.
One little part of this story that I haven't mentioned was that we had this bottle of champagne that we were going to open when we got the referrals. It didn't seem right to open it when we got Seth's referral because it was just one. We went to Washington D.C. for the kids to see some of the Smithsonian museums in the interim. We took the bottle of champagne with us just in case we should get the second referral while we were away. The day we got Yared's referral didn't seem like the right day because we didn't know what to do about all of the medical stuff. So the champagne continued to sit in our refrigerator waiting for us to make a decision.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Zane's story part 3
I went to church with a heavy heart Sunday. Whenever I saw another friend who had adopted or was on an adoption journey I started to cry. I was going to have to say "no" to this baby that emotionally I really wanted, but who just didn't seem like a good fit in our family. Dave and I had said at the very beginning, that we were going to adopt, but we were not going to sacrifice our 4 children to do so. Sure we all have to sacrifice something, but we didn't want to bring medically fragile children home who might take up 90% of our time and energies.
Monday brought emails chronicling Yared's time at the orphanage. It seemed that they had him for a few days, then he was vomiting and they took him to the hospital. They said his hemoglobin was 5 and that it was too low for surgery so he needed the transfusion.
That evening Dave and I had a long discussion. We talked about our reasons for adopting. We talked about Seth and how our decision about Yared would affect him. The longer we take, the longer he waits in the orphanage. We discussed how to determine how to make the "right" decision. If we made the "wrong" decision we would be taking someone else's baby. Maybe we would take him from someone who was more equipped to care for him. What if he was supposed to come to us and we said "no". Then what?
Eventually we decided that a bowel obstruction was too much of a chronic medical issue to add to our family. We don't have family members living near us, we have no one to take care of our kids should we have to stay in the hospital with a child for an extended period. We tried to put the idea of Yared behind us and look forward to another referral. From the emails and some of the information at the beginning there seemed a small chance that Yared's problem had been a pyloric stenosis. This is an innocuous problem which truly is a one time surgical fix. Trying not to be hasty we decided that we would wait to find out what the obstruction was. If it was anything other than a pyloric stenosis we would say "no". If it was pyloric stenosis then we would continue on and see if we could figure out the blood transfusion stuff.
Monday brought emails chronicling Yared's time at the orphanage. It seemed that they had him for a few days, then he was vomiting and they took him to the hospital. They said his hemoglobin was 5 and that it was too low for surgery so he needed the transfusion.
That evening Dave and I had a long discussion. We talked about our reasons for adopting. We talked about Seth and how our decision about Yared would affect him. The longer we take, the longer he waits in the orphanage. We discussed how to determine how to make the "right" decision. If we made the "wrong" decision we would be taking someone else's baby. Maybe we would take him from someone who was more equipped to care for him. What if he was supposed to come to us and we said "no". Then what?
Eventually we decided that a bowel obstruction was too much of a chronic medical issue to add to our family. We don't have family members living near us, we have no one to take care of our kids should we have to stay in the hospital with a child for an extended period. We tried to put the idea of Yared behind us and look forward to another referral. From the emails and some of the information at the beginning there seemed a small chance that Yared's problem had been a pyloric stenosis. This is an innocuous problem which truly is a one time surgical fix. Trying not to be hasty we decided that we would wait to find out what the obstruction was. If it was anything other than a pyloric stenosis we would say "no". If it was pyloric stenosis then we would continue on and see if we could figure out the blood transfusion stuff.
Zane's story part 2
I printed off the pictures and small amount of information we had been given and headed to work that night. I has asked Ben if we could get the medical record so we could find out just was what done at the hospital. He said that he could request it, but that it would need to be translated. I was faced with the idea that we would have to make the decision to accept or decline this baby with practically no information. How were they going to get us a translated medical record within the 10 days we had to decide?
I went to work that evening and didn't do a very good job. Every new physician who walked through the door got Yared's information thrust under his or her nose. Meanwhile I was looking up every possible cause of bowel obstruction and their prognoses. By the end of the weekend I had spoken to many physicians and there was a general consensus. Do not accept the baby. Bowel obstructions in a small infant are even more problematic, than those in older babies. What could have caused the low hemoglobin which made the transfusion necessary? Was there some sort of underlying coagulopathy, or did he just lose blood from a home birth? Only one physician encouraged me to accept the baby. All the rest said that the risk that this baby would turn out to have significant chronic problems was too high. One physician even sat down and talked me through all the testing that would have to be done to find out what was wrong and what therapies would be needed. It was so hard for me. I looked at his face, and his body and he looked like a healthy baby. How could he be sick? One of my physician friends asked me if I would even be considering him had I not seen the picture and I had to say "no".
I went to work that evening and didn't do a very good job. Every new physician who walked through the door got Yared's information thrust under his or her nose. Meanwhile I was looking up every possible cause of bowel obstruction and their prognoses. By the end of the weekend I had spoken to many physicians and there was a general consensus. Do not accept the baby. Bowel obstructions in a small infant are even more problematic, than those in older babies. What could have caused the low hemoglobin which made the transfusion necessary? Was there some sort of underlying coagulopathy, or did he just lose blood from a home birth? Only one physician encouraged me to accept the baby. All the rest said that the risk that this baby would turn out to have significant chronic problems was too high. One physician even sat down and talked me through all the testing that would have to be done to find out what was wrong and what therapies would be needed. It was so hard for me. I looked at his face, and his body and he looked like a healthy baby. How could he be sick? One of my physician friends asked me if I would even be considering him had I not seen the picture and I had to say "no".
Note to Heather
Help, I'm trying to get on to follow your blog and I can't manage it. What do I need to do?
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Zane's story part 1
So I finally got around to reading some comments people have posted. It's odd to me that anyone actually reads my blog. But I have been told to blog more. I used to do a weekly update before I got on facebook, and now all I seem to do is play bejeweled blitz. I am going to try to turn a new leaf and spend time posting to better keep in touch. Heather I love that fact that we can talk about our 6 children. I will always appreciate being invited over to your zoo...home. I'm sure I will soon feel the same way...sometimes I already do.
Now that the adoption is final I am able to tell you Zane's story. It is rather long so I'm going to break it up into segments. It was October 15, 2 weeks after we had received Seth's referral that we got the phone call. We had anticipated getting the second referral days after the first, so it had been a very difficult 2 weeks. Ben called in the morning and I had to work that night so I was resting. He told me that he had a referral for us. I was so excited. I wanted a little baby and I was sure that we were going to get an 11m/o because Dave wanted an older baby. So I steeled myself to hear about the baby.
Ben told me that he had been abandoned and that they had named him Yared. He was is Soddo the same orphanage as Seth. He then told me that Yared had undergone surgery for an obstruction. Being an RN I immediately asked what kind of obstruction. Ben said that they didn't have that information. He went on to tell me that Yared had also received a blood transfusion. My mind was whirring as I considered all the implications of this information. Ben said that the doctor that did the surgery had stated that there would be no follow-up needed, but that it was a complete fix. I was thinking that as a mother of 6 I was supposed to take the word of a surgeon that he had completely fixed the problem. I was trying to think of all the different maladies that would cause a bowel obstruction in an older baby. I asked Ben just how old he was and he said that Yared had been abandoned on Sept 16th when he was about 2 weeks old, so he was about a month an a half old then. I was swept away. This was the youngest referral I had ever heard of. He was born right around my birthday too. I went to the computer and pulled up his sweet little face and immediately fell in love.
Sick
I am generally a healthy person, but for some reason a certain bug has knocked me out. From cold to sinus infection I've now been sick for almost 2 weeks. We are still waiting for an embassy date and have great hopes to hear this week. I would love to start making travel plans. In the meantime, here are some more pictures.
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